24_crayons

I seriously think I'm addicted to Gaia. I mean, the RPGing is sorta fast and loose, but lord, it's addicting. Seriously. I missed class because I've been sitting here rping on a message board. ^^ With Gaia, the Queen of Darkness rp and Georgia getting me into VtM, I'm seriously becoming a gamer chick. :O weeeeeeird!

Eh, I'm probably not all the way there yet, but I sure would love to do more ^^

I HURT. A LOT.

I hate being a %$#@! woman...SOMEONE PULL THIS UTERUS OUTTA MEEEEEE....
I really wish I could afford prescription pills or something...or some mutherfuckin' CODINE aaaaigh *dies*

Today was the midterm switch for Foundation class, and we had a special meeting in which we talked to students about to graduate from the different majors (there was like one for each major) and had to ask them questions, see what they thought, etc.

I'm in General Fine Arts because there's no specific major here that covers what I want to do. There's an Illustration class, sure, and Drawing classes but there's no specific Illustration major. Which is a shame. But interestingly enough, the guy from the Printmaking class talked about it like it was a great place to go if you want to be an illustrator or if you liked to draw. Another guy from -my- class (freshmen) and I went to speak with him...
He was nice enough, but you could he was, at least at one point, the typical Pretentious Art Asshole. I HATE the Pretentious Art Asshole. They're all over the Fine Arts part of the school. Basically when I mentioned I wanted to be a comic book illustrator, he had to keep from laughing. Then he went into a schpeiel about how people didn't think that was "art" (wha..?) and sneered about a guy in his class that wanted to do dragons, or skeletons with swords all the time. I'm thinking "so?" but he's talking about how it was cliche'd and people made fun of the dude. Because ... oh here's the kicker...
it didn't have any CONTENT.

Always about the motherfucking CONTENT. I swear to God, aren't there any rational fine arts majors out there? Not all of us want to be the Marcel Duchamp or Salvador Dali. Some of us feel that as long as a piece of art is beautiful, it's art - even if it's simply a fantasy-based drawing, or anime-based, or whatever. It doesn't have a mean jack shit...what happened to simply DRAWING WELL meant you were an artist?

No seriously, illustration is so looked down upon by these jackasses ... all the painters (oh painters are the worst), sculptors, photographers, printmakers (apparantely, though the basis of what they're doing is SO FUCKING COMMERCIAL IT HURTS) all these fine art jerkoffs. This is how I feel...

The first artist expression by man was DRAWING...he took a burnt stick, some pigments from plants or mud, and daubed it on cave walls, to show the story of the last hunt. Wait...you mean he drew a picture to...to..*gasp*
ILLUSTRATE
his story? ::falls over dead:: Hilarious. Seriously there it is, in the beginning...drawing...graphite, charcoal, pieces of our planet - man using nature to create the first art ... and it was illustration.

Drawing is primordial. It's in our nature, in our very being -- when my inner eyes flowing down my arm to my pencil, I am so alive -- it's honest and it's PURE. It's the purest form of visual art --- so much more, to me, than a couple of dead animals preserved in a huge block of polyurathane, or the Virgin Mary smeared on with shit. All that pretentious claptrap, that gets in the way of the purity --

mind
to eye
to hand
and so on .... and so on ....

I tried to join one of those rating things...non ugly fats. I thought it was one thing, but it turned out to be another thing. Oh well. They don't seem to do anything but post pictures...no real discussions. *yawn* So fun.

Luckily I only have two huge things to do this weekend, instead of five. Finish my pictures (taking all Sunday) and write my essay (probably taking all Saturday). Whee, free Friday! I can catch up on all the OTHER shit I haven't done. Fucking rejoice.

But I don't have to drop Comp and that's good. I guess. No really I should be happy about it. I'll do a monkey dance. ::dance:: Oh man that was such a weak monkey dance. I feel ashamed.

Just read nearly all of Georgia's journalings and felt ashamed that I don't utilize this nifty thing as much as I should. I *used* to keep a journal - online or no - all. the. time...but I haven't really written thoughts to paper/screen in nearly a year. Not like I used to. Makes me wonder. Am I keeping them bottled up inside? Nooo...often I think heavily of things, but usually push stuff aside to daydream of happier imaginings or draw or play a video game or something of the sort...oh wait. That's probably a form of bottling...

It's not very artisty of me, to not have a journal of thoughts, innit? I mislaid my last one way so far away and long ago in Cincinnati...ever since then the desire just isn't there. Maybe I'm punishing myself for having abandoned those bits of me in that angry, lonely room...I wonder how the She Devil is doing? Ugh, now see, I'm thinking of people I knew that I'll never see again. I hate that.

Man, it sounds like some happenings happened at the game Sat. I wish I coulda gone :( Bah! That meeting was ridiculous - like nobody showed up and it wasn't really even an *official* thing. Don't people know that Saturday nights are made for geekin'? That used to have a different connotaion I think.

I should be studying for Art History. Should. Of course, I should be writing that three-page anaylsis/synthesis paper for Comp too. ::insert digusted noise here:: That paper is STUPID! The teacher is STUPID! The speeches I have to analyze are STUPID! Words are stupid...and stuff...stuff is LAME!

Bah.

*ahem* Study!
I will.
Study!!
I WILL!
STUDY DAMMIT!
After I read the new posts in my communites.

Okay then.

Gug.

Skewl starting on Monday. Have no books. The classes are where? I have exactly one shirt and no pants....
and the cleaning to be done.
My god. The cleaning.

I swear, if I were more disorganized, I'd be [insert witty finisher here]. I am just simply not ready. School?!? It's hit me like a ton of bricks ... vacay's over and LIFE has gotta start again. Boo! Boo I say. Boo...

I guess it was sort of a nice thing then, Saturday night. Georgia invited me to a larp, drove me and dropped me off 'n everything. My very first larp experience ever. I just observed though - don't wanna jump in too deep when I don't know what the hell I was doing. Everyone was really nice - but I did get a smidgen of a vibe. Apparantly they're running low on players, so when I showed up w/ her and some other friends she invited, they were all like "Hooray!" Then when I said "Ahhh, I've actually never roleplayed before. Ever." They were all like "Oh." Interest definately dropped. I'm not being sensitive or whiny though, as it didn't *bother* me. It's just interesting to note. I guess a komplete noob can be somewhat annoying for a long-running game.

It got sorta boring in places, and I found what I usually find even in table games - people trying to find things to say and do when there's nothing to say and do ... so there's a sort of desperate "Oh dear god, let something interesting happen soon" air. A lot of lost wandering around. Though they did say Sat was a weird night and usually the games make more sense. All in all though, I liked it and I thiiiiink I could do it, but only on nights Georgia can make it - at least for a while. I don't know though - I already have a hellish time trying to talk to complete strangers in real life - do I really wanna pretend to have a hellish time trying to talk to complete strangers?

Plus, it's Vampire and that's a game kinda low down on my list. I'm not putting it down, but compared to other games, VtM is really pretentious. Which, of course, makes perfect sense. Vampires *are* pretentious fucks after all. *grin* It's like VtM is the official game of Indy or something. I wanna play a Hero System game or something having to do with anime or comics. Farscape. Authority! Something more interesting...
ah well. I just think I've not got the right personality for gaming. But I'll still try. I need to get over my social anxiety anyway.

My mind's wandering over hill and vale these days. I can't seem to keep my mind occupied on the work I actually *have* to do. I find no intrinsic value in ....

oh who *am* I kidding? It's not FUNNNN. All these drawings and art projects I'm doing for people and myself on the side are fuuuuuuun! Stupid newpaper houses built out of paper mache' are ....

well, not.

I should finish that FFX fic because I *know* it's really good...but most places to post are dead nowadays. I don't know why. It's kind of sad for me, actually, since I'm just now starting X-2 (I'm hardly 5% into it) and FFX is my favorite playing ground for slashing...seriously, Trigun and FAKE are still fun but I'm really *really* into FFX. Which makes me feel sad for Sephiroth. ^^

No! I _will_ finish that fic. I _will_ finish the manga adaption. I _will_ get that drawn, and I _will_ get it shown at YaoiCon. Well, probably not the last one, but I definately am going to ...think about it a lot!

...yea...

You're lemon yaoi. You are a perpetually horny
freak. But hey, who cares, lemons are life.


What kind of yaoi are you?
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I'm telling you, I am addicted to the Internet. That's what happens when you don't have a computer for over three years. If you get access, it's like the tide breaking. I've been here since class let out, and yet I stay and surf and type. I'll be leaving in an hour and I know there are STILL things I'll wish I had done, websites and message boards I'll wish I had visited. It's an affliction, fer sure.

Damn ICQ. It hates me, and I hate it. Looks like I'll be modding the hard way. Well dammit, they shouldn't expect everyone to be leet. Or beet. Or howeverthefuck you say it. I'll just make a comment ticket and bold it "TRAINING" - that way at least I can see if I know what the fluxor I'm doing.

Going home to eat food and play Shadow Hearts. What a wonderful world. I do miss Tim though. I hope he's doing okay.

Tim's on a vacay of sorts, and now I'm free to play Shadow Hearts all day and night if I want to! But I must do homework. Ahh, the bastards! I want to PLAY not work. All play all day. School makes it like suck, man.